Love or Friendship
by Starsaroundmars
Summary: Picture Eve Theodore Mosby instead of Ted Evelyn Mosby. This one shot is based off of the ending to season 7 episode 10. If you want a series, let me know.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm really into genderbending and yaoi. So, I was thinking "What if Ted was a girl?" Obviously she would be in love with Barney (sorry, guys, I'm not a big fan of Robin). She would still be his wingman. I think the show would be funnier. And I could totally picture her running away with him on the day of the wedding. Anyway, this came out a little more dramatic than I meant it to be. Please review!**

When she saw him in Robin's room, cleaning the rose petals off of the bed, she'd thought she'd been hallucinating. After all, she wasn't completely sober. For a second, she stood in the doorway. Should I leave? She thought. It was very tempting to pretend this never happened. But then she saw his face.

It was blank. No emotion. But she knew him better than anyone and knew exactly how he felt about Robin. It was the way she felt about him. And then she knew that it was too late to leave. She stepped forward to put a hand on his shoulder before he could blow out the candles.

He turned around, startled, and definitely not expecting to see her. "Eve. What are you doing here?"

"I live here," the woman said, raising an eyebrow. "And I thought I heard something when I came in so I came to check it out. What are you doing here?"

"Just cleaning up," he said, not looking her in the eye.

"This isn't your room to clean. Just tell me what's going on, Barney." She was sick of it. The lies, the women… She just wanted him to be honest with her. Well, she wanted a little more than that, but that could wait until later.

He seemed conflicted before finally relenting and sitting down on the bed. She sat beside him. "Robin and I made a deal earlier to break up with Nora and Kevin and get back together. But she didn't follow through. Now, I have to clean up all of this crap before she comes up here."

"Assumptions," she muttered.

He chuckled a little. "They definitely made an ass out of me."

"So, what are you going to do now?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

He was going back to the lies and the women. She sighed, disappointed. "I guess it is."

She got up to leave, but before she could reach the door, he grabbed her arm. "Wait!"

"What is it?" She asked. Her mind was lucid now. Every detail in this situation presented itself loud an clear. He was gazing at her as if he'd just realized something and she could her heart pounding in the silence. She wondered if he could hear it, too, if he could see the need in her eyes.

Was it really that hard? She thought. Pulling him to me and pressing my lips to his? He'd been her best friend for so long, longer than she'd been Robin's, but could she really do it?

She didn't have to.

He pulled her back down to his level on the bed, and pressed their lips together. She moaned as he slipped his tongue into her mouth. She could taste a bit of alcohol and kissed him deeper. She wanted more of him.

They'd kissed a few times before, but never like this. They'd helped each other get laid, but never had sex with each other. She didn't know when she started to want him. Maybe it was when they first met. Despite her rejection, they'd connected and become close friends. Still, she couldn't believed that he could change the way he had.

He pulled away to look directly into her eyes. "Sorry, Eve. I didn't mean to–"

She interrupted him with another kiss.

He smiled against her lips. "I guess that means we're good?"

"I was hoping for a little more than that," she pulled away to grab his hand and pull him to her side of the apartment.

He seemed dazed as he followed her across the living room to her bedroom. When they got there, they didn't waste anymore time. He pushed her up against the back of the door. She wrapped her legs around his waist. He quickly pulled her thick sweater off and unhooked her bra, quickly wrapping his skilled lips around one of her nipples.

She wanted to do something, anything to distract her from what he was doing. The sensation was making her dizzy. She pushed him back onto her bed and climbed on top of him. She untied his tie and unbuttoned his shirt, treating both items with care and knowing how much they meant to him.

She kissed him slowly, languidly, as she reached the last button. She slid her hand down to the bulge between them, and he sucked in a breath. She grinned teasingly, slowly pulling down the zipper. He stopped her.

"We shouldn't be doing this."

She tried not to let her disappointment show.

But then she was on her back, and he was on top of her. "But it doesn't matter. I want to."

She wanted him to say the words she knew he would never say. Even when he took off her pants and buried his tongue within her, she still didn't hear the words she wanted to hear. What she wanted was for him to say "I love you."

She knew that it was silly and childish. She knew that for him this could just be another one night stand. But without those words, could she really believe that it was her he was having sex with? She buried her fingers in his hair as she thought this. Even after she climaxed she couldn't stop thinking about it.

He kissed her, and she tasted herself on his lips. She wondered if she was allowed to believe this was real. He felt real. That orgasm was definitely. But there was something wrong.

"What's wrong?" she asked aloud. "Are you really okay with this? You could still have a chance with Robin. But if you sleep with me–"

"Eve, in case you didn't notice, I'm the one on top. I want to do this," he kissed her again, more deeply this time as he buried his member within her.

The first time was hard and fast. He seemed to be trying to get something out if his system. Probably Robin, she thought, even as she yelled his name. What surprised her was when he moaned hers. Did her really see her?

Her short, dark hair was similar to Robin's and they had similar bodies. As long as Barney wasn't looking into her eyes, he could pretend all he wanted.

The second time they did it was oddly slow and sweet. He was making love to her while looking directly into her eyes. She felt open and vulnerable, even when she saw the sad look in his eyes and realized that he did want this. He wanted her, but that didn't mean that he would just forget about Robin.

She wanted to stop him and say that this was a mistake. What if Robin and him were meant to be together? She tried to ignore the thought in the back of her mind that said, "What if you and Barney are?"

She gasped out his name, holding him closer as she felt herself tighten around his member. When they finished, he held her against his chest, burying his face in her hair.

"You're staying?" she asked. She was a grown woman. She!d had enough heart break to know guys like Barney didn't stick around. Hell, she herself had one night stands all the time. Still, the romantic in her held her breath.

"Of course, I'm staying," he said. "What? Did you think that this was just another night for me?"

She turned around to face him. "What was I supposed to think?"

He was quiet then, brushing the hair out of her face.

"What is this?" she asked.

"I don't know," he answered. "I'm s–"

"Don't say it," she interrupted. "If this meant anything to you, then don't apologize."

"It did," he said. "I can't just bang you and leave. You're my wingman, my bro–"

"I'm a woman," she interrupted again.

"Point is, you've been here for me even when Robin hasn't."

So he did realize it, she thought, wrapping her arms around him.

"So, I'm staying."

She wanted to say that if he couldn't make up his mind right now then they shouldn't see each other until he did. She wanted to tell him to leave. She wanted to tell him she loved him. She wished she could say that she said any of these things.

Instead she asked, "Aren't you in love with her?"

"I am," he said. "That's why I'm so confused."

We didn't say anymore after that. We couldn't. Instead, we laid in bed, side by side, unable to sleep. He stroked her hair, she held his hand. They heard Robin come in at five in the morning, and finally got up. They got dressed, and went up to the roof to share a cigarette.

"What now?" she asked. "Are you going to wait for her?"

"I'll try," he said, taking a drag of the cigarette. "What about you? Gonna to keep looking for your soulmate?"

"If I haven't already met him," she answered, trying hard not to look at him.

"You mean Victor? I thought you were over him."

"He could still be the one." A part of her just didn't believe it.

"God, you are such a romantic."

As the new day was dawning, she could tell that whatever vulnerability he'd shown her was being hidden away again. She wanted to demand that he to define what had just happened between them. Was this going to happen again? Was he just blowing off some steam?

"What are you guys doing up here so early?"

They both nearly jumped at the sound of Robin's cheery voice. She joined them with a cigarette of her own.

"What are you doing here, Barney?" Robin asked suspiciously.

"He stayed the night," Eve answered.

Robin's eyes widened. "You two–?"

"It was just this once," Barney said quickly. "I needed someone and Eve was here."

"Yeah…" Eve said softly. So, he chose her. Was she ever even an option? Whatever he'd been confused about earlier, he now seemed sure of as he gazed at Robin.

Robin nodded slowly, a look of understanding briefly crossing her face.

"Well, I really need to get started on my lesson plan," Eve said, practically tripping over her own two feet to get to the fire escape. "See you guys later."

She couldn't be around those two any longer than she had to be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is my attempt at rewriting the first episode. Yes, Eve starts out liking Robin for possibly only the first two episodes. Let me know what you think.**

"Kids, I think it's time you heard the story of how I met and married your father."

"Are we being punished for something?" Luke asked miserably.

"No," Eve said, sitting across from them in their living room. "I just think it's time. I mean, aren't you curious?"

"No." That was Penny.

"Oh, come on! You guys love my stories," Eve smiled. "I'll make you some hot cocoa."

That got them. Eve was famous (or infamous depending on the circumstance) when it came to her hot cocoa. She'd made it to comfort Marshall when Lily left. She'd used it to celebrate Lily getting pregnant. She'd used it to bribe Barney.

So Eve made the hot cocoa using the secret recipe given to her by her own mother and set the mugs down on the coffee table before making herself comfortable with her own mug in the chair across from them. "This isn't going to be a short story, is it?" Luke groaned as he took a sip of the cocoa.

"The best stories never are," Eve said cheerfully. Before Penny could argue, she continued, "So, in 2005 I was 27 and living in a rundown apartment with my college roommate, Lily."

"Didn't you meet Dad before that?" Penny asked.

"Yeah, but I'll get to that."

That was another frustrating thing about their mother: she could never tell a story in the order of events it'd happened. But instead of commenting on this, the two each took a sip from their mugs and allowed her to continue.

"So, 2005. I was 27 and living with your Aunt Lily..."

Eve was just starting to make it as an architect and having fun living the dream with Lily when Marshall, her boyfriend decided to ruin it all.

"Do you think he's going to do it?" Lily asked wringing her hands and biting her lip. "I mean, if he was going to do it, wouldn't he have done it already? I mean... I don't know!"

"Lil, get a grip, Marshall's not worth your time if he doesn't pop the question tonight," Eve reassured her with little success. "The dude can't even open a bottle of champagne."

"You're right, you're right," she breathed. "Okay... Propose!"

"What?" She blinked.

"Get on one knee, and we'll pretend you're Marshall," she said with her hands on Eve's shoulders. "Do this for me. I need to do this! I mean, what if he proposes and I freeze and don't know what to say?"

"Lily, you love him," Eve said, putting her hands on Lily's shoulders in turn. "The only word you have to remember is 'yes.'"

"Yes," she repeated. "Yes."

"Yup. And then you have sex," Eve said. "It's a simple formula: yes plus sex. And then champagne."

They both cringed at the memory of the last time Marshall had tried to open the bottle on his own.

"And where will you be?"

"Not there, obviously," Eve said. "I may be bi, and into some bondage, but I draw the line at voyeurism."

"Right," she said. "You won't be there. Will you have your phone?"

"Yeah, I will, you can call me after."

"I'll need to."

"Aren't you excited?" Eve asked.

"Yeah," she said, blushing. "I'm going to get engaged."

"Well, we don't know that for sure yet."

"I found the ring."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?!" Eve exclaimed.

"Because I was afraid you would tell Marshall! You two are like siblings, and if you know something, it's not long until he knows, too."

"Fine, I get it," Eve sighed.

"How do I look? Too casual?"

"You look perfect for a night in," I reassured her. "Now get out of here before I drag you there myself."

"Thanks. I don't even have time to change my shirt. Which is probably a good thing considering I don't want to look like I know and I'm trying to make an effort," she hugged Eve tightly for a moment before rushing through the door. "Have fun tonight with Barney!"

"I'll try!"

What a girl does for a friend, she thought with a sigh. Eve heard her phone ring on the kitchen table and rushed to answer it already expecting who it was.

"Hey, so you know how I've always had a thing for half-Asian girls?" He said by way of greeting. "Well, now I've got a new favorite: Lebanese girls. Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians."

"I don't even want to know," Eve said settling into the sofa. "Do you feel like doing something tonight?"

"Okay, meet me at the bar in fifteen minutes. And suit up!"

"I might dress up," she laughed. "I'd rather not show up at the bar looking like a lawyer or an accountant."

"Oh, come on, Eve! Live a little! I'm telling you, lesbians love a woman in a suit."

"I'm not looking for a woman tonight, Barney," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Eve, you do know that offer for a threesome is always open."

"Yes, I do. And you know I'm never gonna be up for that."

"Eve," he whined.

"See you in fifteen minutes, Barney," she said and hung up.

Fifteen minutes later, Eve showed up at the bar downstairs in a pair of low slung jeans and a green V neck shirt. She noticed Barney and walked past him to take her place on the stool. She didn't miss the way his eyes followed her ass, but she also didn't mind it. It was one of those days when it could be taken as a compliment as long as he didn't try to touch it.

"Where's your suit?" He asked disappointed. "Just once when I ask you to wear a suit, I wish you would wear one."

"I told you, I wasn't going to wear one," she reminded him. "Besides I did wear a suit that one time."

"It was a blazer," he scoffed.

"A very fashionable one at that," Eve said, ordering a beer. "You know Marshall and Lily are getting engaged tonight."

"I know," he groaned. "Marshall wanted to practice, and he made me pretend to be Lily. It was so dumb. When I asked him why he didn't ask you, he said it would have felt weird, like cheating with his sister or something."

She giggled. "Definitely, but I would've killed to see him propose to you even just as a joke."

"You know everything's going to change now, right?"

"I know!" she exclaimed. "Until now it's always been Marshall and Lily and me. Now it's going to be Marshall and Lily, and me. They'll get married, start a family, and before long I'll be that weird, middle aged cat lady their kids call Aunt Eve."

"I'll marry you in Vegas before that happens, babe," Barney tried to reassure her.

"That makes me feel so much better," she said sarcastically. "And don't call me babe. It makes me feel like you're my pimp or something."

"I see what this is about," he said, setting his hand on her shoulder. "Have you forgotten what I said to you the night we met?"

Rewind to a few years back when Eve still had a lesbian haircut, wore baggy sweaters, and hadn't gotten contacts yet.

"Eve, I'm going to teach you how to live," Barney said then, sliding into the corner booth beside her. She stared at him for a moment unable to place him. "Barney, we met outside the bathrooms."

"Oh, right," she nodded.

"Lesson 1: lose the sweater and the glasses. Sweaters aren't sexy unless you're not wearing anything else. And those nerdy glasses won't go with your suit."

"I'm not wearing a suit," she said now openly staring at him. "And I'm not gay. Just kinda bi." By then, she'd had only one relationship with a woman and that had been in college so she didn't think that really counted.

"There's no such thing as kinda bi," he corrected. "And lesson 2: get a suit. Suits are cool, suits are hot. Exhibit A," he said, waving a hand to his own.

Eve rolled her eyes and was just about ready to get up and leave. Screw this guy. He was either joking or extremely drunk. She wasn't about to stick around to find out.

"Lesson 3: don't even think about getting married until... You're thirty," he said throwing an arm around her shoulders to keep her next to him. "Another round?" He asked waving a hand to the empty glasses in front of them.

She nodded quickly. She was going to need it if she was going to be with this guy all night.

Thanks to Barney and the beer, she'd had the most fun night in years.

"Don't get married until I'm thirty. You're right, you're right," Eve said, taking another drink from her beer. "I guess it's just, your best friend gets engaged and you start thinking about that kind of stuff."

"I thought I was your best friend," Barney said visually upset. "Eve, say I'm your best friend!"

"You're my best friend, Barney," Eve amended.

"Now, lean forward just a little more, and say it again," he said, blatantly staring down her shirt.

"Barney!" Eve slapped him.

"Sorry, sorry," he said rubbing his cheek. "It's just that your boobs look great in that shirt."

Eve was caught between the urges to thank him and slap him again. She settled for glaring.

"What I meant to say was," he quickly corrected himself. "As your best friend I'd like to suggest we play a little game of Have You Met Eve?"

"No, no, no," Eve quickly tried to put down her glass and grab his arm. "We're not playing Have You Met Eve? I'm just here to relax tonight not meet bimbos or douchebags!"

But it was too late. Barney had already grabbed the nearest pretty girl and stood her in front of Eve. "Haaave you met Eve?"

"Hi, I'm Eve," Eve greeted her. "The ass who just introduced us is Barney."

She giggled. "I'm Yasmin."

"Yasmin," she repeated. "That's a very pretty name."

"Thanks, it's Lebanese."

Here we go, Eve thought knocking back the rest of her drink.

"I'm so happy For Marshall, I really am," she told Yasmin about fifteen minutes later when Eve was good and buzzed. They'd sat down at a table nearby and Eve was surprised to find that Yasmin was a good listener. "I just couldn't imagine settling down right now."

"So do you think you'll ever get married?"

"Well, maybe, eventually," she said as if she couldn't care less. As if she couldn't picture in her mind. "Some fall day. Possibly in Central Park. Simple ceremony, we'll write our own vows. Band, no DJ. People will dance, I'm not going to worry about it. Dammit, why did Lily have to get engaged..."

Yasmin chuckled.

"Yeah, nothing hotter than a chick planning out her own imaginary wedding, huh?"she asked her, picking up her martini from the table. "Most guys think girls like me are psychos or something."

"Actually, I think it's cute," Yasmin reassured her.

"Well, you're clearly drunk," Eve said, patting her hand. "One more for the lady!" She yelled over to Carl. Was she just really drunk or was Carl giving her weird looks?

As she continued getting to know Yasmin over drinks, she realized something. There are two big questions a girl gets asked in her life, very rarely was she the one doing the asking, but there in that bar on that night, Eve thought, "What the hell?"

Lily was being asked one of those question just upstairs over what was probably a romantic dinner for two (though, knowing Marshall, he probably just popped the question when she was still helping him make that dinner). Like most guys, he'd probably planned how to ask that question for months. It wasn't the kind of question you asked in a moment of spontaneity.

She was going to ask Yasmin that other question right now in a moment of drunken spontaneity as that was how this question was often asked. She was going to take a chance on fate, hoping fate would take a chance on her. "You wanna go out sometime?" Eve asked her.

"I'm sorry," she apologized turning to look over at the bar. Eve followed her gaze. "Carl's my boyfriend."

Eve waved awkwardly. "'Sup, Carl?" She quickly said goodbye and left the table before she could embarrass herself further. She found Barney still at the bar, probably relishing her embarrassment. "Why am I freaking out all of a sudden?" she asked him. "This is crazy! I'm not ready to settle down."

"How does Carl land a Lebanese girl?" Barney asked, entirely distracted from her crisis. "He doesn't even own a suit."

"Maybe it's because he's a decent guy who doesn't hit on bimbos in a bar?" Eve said sarcastically but he wasn't paying much attention. "I mean the plan has always been don't even think about it until your thirty."

"Exactly," he agreed absently.

"Plus, Lily's found the love of her life, even if I was ready, which I'm not! but if I was, it's like okay, I'm ready, where are they?" Eve met Barney's eyes for a moment but refused to take this as a sign. Instead, she turned around and scanned the tables as if she was really looking.

And there she was. The brunette in the snug, green turtleneck.

It was like something from an old movie where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor, turns to his buddy, and says "See that girl? I'm gonna marry her on day."

Except Eve wasn't a sailor or a man, and this wasn't some corny movie from before the eighties. Instead, she was a grown woman desperate for a sign that she wasn't crazy. Desperate for her soulmate to come and find her already because she was sick of looking for them. And the woman was hot, so that helped.

"Hey, Barney," Eve said, unable to look away. "See that girl?"

"Oh yeah," he said, openly ogling her. "You just know she likes it dirty."

She rolled her eyes and took a sip of her drink. Apparently the last thing those movies needed was a buddy like Barney.

"Go say hi," he said. "And if you're going to kiss her let me know ahead of time so I can get my phone out to take pictures."

"I can't just go say hi!" she exclaimed deciding to ignore his latter comment. "I need a plan. I'm going to wait until she goes to the bathroom and then strategically place myself by the jukebox..."

Barney hummed in agreement but when she turned around to look at him, he was already tapping some girl on the shoulder. "Hi, have you met Eve?"

Of course it was that girl. When had she gotten to the bar?

"Hi," Eve said waving awkwardly. Damn Barney.

"Let me guess: Eve," she joked, pointing at her.

"You got it," Eve smiled. "So what do you do?"

"I'm a reporter for Metro News 1."

"Oh, that's cool."

"Well, kind of a reporter. I do those dumb, little fluff pieces at the end of the news. You know, like, um, monkey who can play the ukulele?"

Eve grinned.

"I'm hoping to get some bigger stories soon."

"Bigger? Like guerrilla with an upright base?" Eve joked. "Sorry, you're really pretty."

Robin laughed and waved over at a table across the bar. Eve turned to fInd a table full of women staring at them.

"You're friends don't seem too happy."

"Yeah, see the one in the middle just got dumped by her boyfriend so tonight, every guy is 'the enemy.'"

"Oh, well can I join you guys then?" she asked. "I'm not a guy which technically makes me an ally."

"I guess it does," she smiled. "But what do you have to bring to the table? My friend isn't just going to let you join us."

"Good point," Eve glanced over at Barney who was flirting with a tall blonde across the bar. She grabbed what was left of her drink and walked over. "Barney?"

He turned and grinned at her. That almost made her feel bad for what happened next.

"You jerk!" Eve yelled throwing the rest of her drink in his face and walking back over to Robin. "Was that enough?"

"It should be. Did you even know that guy?"

"He's my best friend."

"Alright, well, get another drink and follow me back."

Eve got one and followed her back to her table with a scowl on her face. "Do you mind if I join you?"

"Not at all," the girl in the middle said. "Was that guy your boyfriend? He's such a total sleaze! He's tried to pick up almost every other girl in here."

Apparently Barney had gotten around when she hadn't been paying attention. "Well, whatever. I just need a drink. Next round's on me."

The girls all cheered. Eve paid for the next round and spent the rest of the night making up fake stories about a relationship with Barney to make the girl feel better. Every time, Barney passed by, they would all put down our drinks and silently glare at him. It was great.

At the end of the night, she asked Robin for her number.

"Hey, you wanna have dinner with me Saturday night?" They'd left the bar and were standing in the front of Marshall's apartment building. "I mean, as a friend."

"Oh, I can't," she answered. "I'm going to Orlando for a week on Friday. Some guys are attempting to make the World's biggest Pancake. Guess who's covering it?"

"That's going to take a week?"

"Yeah, he's gonna eat it, too. It's another record."

"How about tomorrow night?" Eve asked nervously.

"As a friend?" she grinned.

"As a friend," she confirmed though the way she was looking at her was probably contradicting that.

She thought about it for a second. "Yeah, what the hell? Tonight was fun, and I do want to see you again." She handed Eve her number and left her standing on the front steps grinning like an idiot.

It was then that Barney popped out of nowhere. More specifically, he'd been crouching in the shadows just waiting to come out and yell, "Friend-zoned!"

"Not for long," she told him. "Did you see the way she was eyeing me? And I've got the chance to make something happen tomorrow night."

"Yeah, about that, I thought we were playing laser tag tomorrow night," he whined.

"Yeah, I was never gonna go play laser tag," she said.

The next night, Eve took her out to a little bistro in Brooklyn.

"Wow, that is one badass blue french horn," she said, staring at the instrument mounted on the wall.

"Yeah," I agreed. "Sort of looks like a Smurf penis."

Son, when you go on a first date, never say the words Smurf penis. Girls don't ordinarily like that," older Eve told her son.

But Robin snorted as she took a sip of her drink and giggled.

This was no ordinary girl.

Which was why an hour later, Eve walked into Marshall's apartment saying the words, "Mom, Dad, I have found the future Mrs. Eve Mosby. Unless of course, I take her name. In which case I will be Mrs. Robin Scherbatski."

They stared at her.

"Marshall, how have I always described my perfect partner?" Eve asked him. Practically her brother, he knew this kind of thing by now.

"Uh, let's see," he started. "They like dogs."

"She's got five dogs," she practically squealed to Lily.

"They drink scotch."

"She told me she loves a scotch that's old enough to order it's own scotch."

"They can quote obscure lines from Ghostbusters?"

"'Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say, "YES!"'" she quoted. "She said it, she did it, she's the one, you guys! Oh, but I haven't even reached the best part yet: she hates olives."

"She hates olives, awesome!" Marshall exclaimed.

"The Olive Theory!" Lily sighed.

"I told her about the theory, and she told me about a jar of olives that has been sitting in her fridge for forever..."

"Oh, it is on!" Marshall yelled. "It is on till the break of dawn."

"But, wait, it's only the break of 10:30. What happened?" Lily asked.

"Well," she hesitated. "I walked her home and we were talking about this blue french horn at the restaurant and how she wanted one mounted over her fireplace, but then some people who work at Metro News 1 came by to pick her up. Apparently there's a guy trying to jump from the Manhattan Bridge. She had to go and our date was over anyway, so she told me she had a great time–"

"But did you kiss her?" Marshall asked excitedly.

"No," she answered. "The moment wasn't right. Look, this woman could be my future wife, I want our first kiss to be amazing."

"Aw, Eve, that is so sweet," Lily said. "So you chickened out like a little bitch?" Marshall nodded.

"Watch it, Lily," Eve warned playfully. "Those are fighting words. Besides I did not chicken out, and I don't need to take first kiss advice from some pirate who hasn't been single since the first week of college."

"Eve, anyone who's single would tell you the same thing. Even the dumbest single person alive, and if you don't believe me, call him."

So Eve did call Barney.

"Hey, loser, how's not playing laser tag? Because playing laser tag is awesome!" He yelled at some kid named Connor about killing him.

"Hey, listen," she started. She already knew asking a Barney would be a dumb idea. "I need your opinion on something."

"Okay, meet me at the bar in fifteen minutes, and suit up!" He hung up.

Fifteen minutes later, they found him downstairs at the bar and told him the story.

"So, these guys think I chickened out. What do you think?"

"I can't believe you're still not wearing a suit!" he exclaimed.

"She didn't even give me the signal!"

"What? Is she gonna bat her eyes at you in Morse code?" He joked before leaning towards her and batting his eyes at her dramatically. "Eve... Kiss... Me. No, you just kiss her!"

"Not if you don't get the signal," she insisted.

It was then that he decided to kiss Marshall.

Eve felt her jaw drop, but it was over in less than a second. "Did Marshall give me the signal?" he asked.

"No!" Marshall exclaimed before turning to Lily with pleading eyes. "I didn't, I swear!"

Lily just smiled understandingly.

"But see? At least tonight I get to sleep knowing Marshall and me are never going to happen."

"Too bad, you two would've made a hot couple," Eve commented.

Marshall scowled but Barney just insisted, "Stop dodging the subject. You should've kissed her."

"I should've kissed her," she agreed, finally resigned to the fact. "Oh well, maybe in a week when she gets back from Orlando."

"A week? That's like a year in hot girl time," he said. "She'll forget all about you. Mark my words, you will never see that one again."

But, of course, Barney was wrong, because it was then that she looked up to see her on the television over the bar. And a plan began to form in her mind."There she is," she pointed her out to my friends.

"Oh, she's cute," Lily said. "Hey, Carl, turn it up."

Carl did as Lily asked. They listened to Robin describe what had happened on the bridge. Apparently, the guy hasn't jumped. And with that, she stood up.

"I'm gonna go kiss her," Eve announced. "Right now."

"Look, Eve, it's midnight," Marshall reminded her. "As your future lawyer, I'm gonna advise you that's freakin' crazy."

"I never do anything crazy. I'm always waiting for the moment, planning the moment. Well, she's leaving tomorrow. This may be the only moment I'm gonna get. I gotta do what that guy couldn't, I gotta take the leap."

They stared at her.

"Okay, not a perfect metaphor," she muttered. "Because for me it's fall in love and get married, and for him it's death."

"Actually, that is a perfect metaphor," Barney said before turning to Lily and Marshall. "By the way, did I congratulate you two?"

"I'm doing this," she asserted.

"Let's go," Lily said as she got up to follow her. "If my best friend's going to take the leap, I'm jumping with her."

"Word up," Marshall said. But Barney stayed seated.

"Barney?" Eve called.

"Alright," he said, turning around. "But on one condition."

Half an hour later they were in a cab on the way to Robin's place.

And Eve was in a skirt suit.

"Look at you, you hot minx," Barney patted her on the shoulder. "You suited up! This is totally going in my blog."

Remembering her plan, she told the cab driver to stop the car when they nearly passed the bistro she'd taken her to on their date. She took off her heels, jumped out of the car and ran in. Seeing the blue french horn mounted on the wall, Eve grabbed it and ran back out to the taxi ignoring the calls of the waiter.

She got into the cab and told the driver to keep going. "Everybody brings flowers," she rationalized. "It's too late to go back now."

They soon arrived at Robin's apartment building.

"Ok," she breathed. "Moment of truth. Wish me luck."

"Eve's gonna get it on with a TV reporter," Barney smirked. "This just in," he breathed a moan jokingly before holding up his hand to Marshall for a high five. He was dutifully ignored.

"Kiss her, Eve, kiss her good," Lily said.

"Kiss the crap out of that girl!" Marshall enthused.

"Marshall," Eve said turning to him. "Remember this night when you're the best man at our wedding and you give a speech. You're gonna tell this story."

"Why does he get to be the best man?" Barney asked. "I'm your best friend."

"I'm her best friend! I'm practically her sister!" Lily exclaimed. "Why can't I be her best woman or maid of honor?" They stared at her. "What? She's my roommate, it's a gay wedding, it doesn't matter what the roles are called."

As she walked up to that door, a million thoughts raced through her mind. Unfortunately, she did not remember Robin's five dogs when she pressed the buzzer. She nearly jumped out of her heels when she heard all of them barking up a storm. Hope we're not waking the neighbors, she thought.

She nearly ran back to the cab, but her friends were yelling at her to go back.

"Eve?" She was leaning out of her second story window with her dogs beside her. She'd obviously been getting ready for bed.

"Hi," Eve waved. "I was just, uh..." She couldn't exactly say she was just in the neighborhood with a blue french horn she'd obviously taken from the bistro they'd been to on their date. So she just held it up as a kind of peace offering for riling up her dogs possibly waking her up.

"Come on up," she said.

So she did, leaving my friends alone in the cab with Barney. She owed Lily for this.

"So, Eve," she started after letting her in. "What brings you out to Brooklyn at one in the morning in a suit."

"I was just hoping to," she began nervously, "get those olives that you said I could have." She'd chickened out.

"Would you like those olives with some gin and vermouth?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" she countered.

"For starters," she said, stepping closer and turning on the radio Eve hadn't noticed.

At this point as she turned around to head for her kitchen, Eve had to look up and thank her lucky stars.

Next thing she knew, they were dancing. She had her hands on her hips and she had her hands on Eve's shoulders, but neither of them were really leading or moving at all. They just stayed in one spot, swaying a bit and staring into each other's eyes.

"I think I like your Olive theory," she said softly.

"I think I like your new Fremch horn," Eve flirted back.

"I think I like your nose," she smiled.

"I think I'm in love with you," Eve said seriously.

"What?" Robin said, stopping suddenly with wide eyes. It was the only thing the group had to say later as she recounted the story. The kids were no less shocked.

A minute later, the music was off and they were sitting on the couch keeping a good few inches away from each other.

"So, Orlando. You gonna hit Disney World?" she asked if only to break the silence.

"You love me?!" she asked incredulously. "I've never even been in a relationship with a woman before! We've only known each other for a few days."

"I can't believe I said that," she groaned. "Why did I say that? Who says that? I should just go." Eve got up from the couch to leave.

"Hold on, wait a minute," she said before walking over to the table to grab the olives they'd abandoned in favor of dancing. "Promised you these."

"Olives," she said.

"Yeah."

"Thanks. I love you."

Her eyes widened and she stepped away from her.

"What is wrong with me?" Eve said aloud.

She walked her to the front door. Eve turned hopefully. "So when you tell this story to your friends, can you avoid the word 'psycho'? I'd prefer 'eccentric.'"

She grinned. "Goodnight, Psycho."

Eve held her hand to her heart as though she was deeply wounded, turned, and walked down the steps. Noticing the cab was gone, Eve sighed, "Great," She turned back to look at her, still framed in the doorway, still gorgeous beyond belief. "Uh, how do I get to the F train?"

"Oh," she joined her on the bottom step and pointed in the direction she should be heading. "Two blocks that way and take a right."

"Thanks," she murmured before turning to walk in that direction. She stopped. "You know what?" Eve turned back to look at her again. "I'm done being single. I'm not good at it. Look, obviously you can't tell a person you just met you love them, but it sucks that you can't."

She stared at her.

"I'll tell you something though," she ranted. "If someone, not you, just some hypothetical someone were to bear with me through all this, I think I'd make a damn good wife because that's the stuff I'd be good at. Stuff like making them laugh and being a good mother. And walking their five hypothetical dogs. Being a good kisser."

"Everyone thinks they're a good kisser."

"Oh, I've got references," she quipped.

"Goodnight, Eve."

Eve held her hand out to her. She owed her at least a handshake after the crazy night she'd given her. She took it. "And I'm a good handshaker."

"That's a pretty great handshake," she said still holding on. She met her eyes.

"And that was it," she told everyone later on at the bar. "I'll probably never see her again."

They stared at her in shocked silence.

"What?" Eve asked finally.

"That was the signal!" Marshall said.

"That long, lingering handshake. You should have kissed her!" Lily said

"There's no such thing as the signal," Barney said to Eve's relief. "But, yeah, that was the signal.

"Signal." Ranjit nodded wisely from his spot next to her.

It was then that Carl came by their table with glasses and a bottle of champagne. "Carl, thank you," Marshall said. "There's something I gotta do."

"By the way, you should have kissed her," Carl said before leaving.

"Carl!" she exclaimed. "You guys weren't even there."

Marshall opened the bottle of champagne and poured it into their glasses with a flourish.

"I am so turned on right now," Lily grinned watching him. He chuckled.

"Guys, trust me, that was not the signal! I've seen the signal with both men and women, and that was not the signal."

"Yeah, Eve, we're not on you anymore," Barney said.

"To my fiancée," Marshall toasted.

"To the future," Lily said.

"To one hell of s night!" Ranjit exclaimed.

We touched glasses. "That was not the signal!" Eve shouted again.

"I asked her about it years later, and yeah, that was the signal. I could have kissed her. But that's the funny thing about destiny. It happens whether you plan it or not. I mean, I thought I'd never see that girl again. But it turns out I was just too close to the puzzle to see the picture that was forming. Because that, kids, is the true story of how I met your Aunt Robin."

"So this doesn't start when you started dating Dad?" Penny asked a bit exasperated.

"Nope, but that was the night I started falling for him," Eve said. "Before that, we were mostly friends and your father was into dumb bimbos."

"I didn't know you dated Aunt Robin," Luke frowned.

"She was bi-curious at the time," Eve shrugged taking one last sip of her cocoa. "I was desperate to love anyone when Lily and Marshall got engaged and Robin was the full package."

"So why was that the night you started to fall for Dad?" Penny asked.

"Well," Eve started just as the door opened to reveal an exhausted and shivering Barney. She rushed to the kitchen to make more cocoa as he unwrapped the scarf from his neck and took off the heavy overcoat that protected his suit from the snow.

"H-Honey, I'm home," he stuttered as he stumbled into the kitchen and put his arms around her waist. "God, you smell amazing."

"It's chocolate," Eve muttered as his hands dipped lower. "If you want your hot cocoa, you'd better go upstairs and grab a blanket. It's too early for that, and I'm trying to tell the kids our story."

"Now?" he asked incredulously. "Why?"

She glared up at him. "Because they've never heard it."

He watched her finish making the hot cocoa and went upstairs to get his blanket and to change into something warmer. When he came back, he was wearing sweats and he was with Ellie. He found them waiting for him in the living room. He settled into the chair beside her and tossed the blanket over her lap as well as his own. Ellie settled into the couch with Luke and Penny.

"You were saying, Mom?" Penny pressed. Luke was hoping in vain that this would be the end.

"Well, your father and I were tired," she said for Ellie's benefit. Tired really meant plastered in this case. "Lily was staying over at Marshall's and he didn't want me going home alone. He thought that I would give the cab driver the wrong address or something."

"It happened before," Barney pointed out. "But wait, when exactly are you starting this?"

"The night Lily and Marshall got engaged," she mumbled. "We're on the part after I told Robin I loved her."

"That long ago? Why?"

"Because that was when I started to have a crush you," she told him. "Don't you remember that night at all?"

"I remember champagne and then waking up on your couch the next morning."

Eve sighed. Of course he didn't remember.

After taking the taxi home that night, Barney covered the fare, handing the driver an extra hundred that Eve quickly took back. He leaned heavily on her shoulder after she helped him out of the cab and they slowly made their way up to her apartment.

"Are we gonna drink coffee tomorrow?" Barney slurred.

"Yes, there will be coffee tomorrow," Eve answered amused. "And omelettes with bacon."

He hummed with his head on her shoulder as she fished her keys out of her pocket and opened the door. She led him over to the couch and went to the closet to grab an extra blanket. She came back to find him on his back. She quickly sat him up and went to go get a garbage can just in case.

When she came back, he looked a little better. At least, his eyes were able to focus on her. She sat down beside him putting the garbage can on the floor. "Barney, are you okay?"

"I'm great," he enthused. "In fact, I'm so great, I'm awesome."

She rolled her eyes with a grin and tried to get up to go to the kitchen and get him some aspirin and a bottle of water for the morning. But he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back down to the couch.

"Eve, I have a question to ask you," he started seriously. "A very serious question."

"What's the question?"

""Why didn't you kiss Robin?" he asked.

"I told you, the moment didn't feel right."

"What does the right moment feel like then?" he asked earnestly.

"Well," Eve said uncertainly, "the right moment can be any moment really. But it's not really random. The two people could be alone or in a crowded room. And in that moment, it shouldn't matter to you what you're doing there or how you got there. You're just together and that's all that matters. And then you kiss."

"Huh," he said. "And you didn't feel that with Robin."

"I almost did," she admitted. "We were alone and we were dancing. And then I said it and the moment was gone."

"Well, what about the handshake?" he asked.

"A handshake could just be a handshake, you know. It doesn't have to be a come on."

"Wanna bet?" he asked mischievously.

"Sure." He wouldn't remember it anyway.

"I had a really nice time tonight, Eve," he said. He was making a visible effort not to slur as he held out his hand.

"So did I," She grabbed his attempting to put a bit a bit of distance between us. But it made no difference. He pulled her in by the hand and grabbed her by the shoulders kissing her fiercely. She could taste the alcohol on his breath and feel the rough way he thrust his tongue into her mouth.

It was oddly arousing. They'd kissed a few times before and pretended to be a couple for the sake of his schemes, but this was different somehow.

That is until he passed out on top of her. Eve struggled to get him off of her and once she was on her feet again glared at his unmoving body. Finally, she sighed and moved the garbage can closer to him. She didn't even bother taking off his shoes.

Instead, she went back to her room to take off her heels. Those shoes were killing her.

**Review and tell me what episodes you'd like to see redone or if you just want me to keep going through each episode.**


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